| OOPS, WRONG PRIORITIESThe executive in charge | | | | was only trying to help." reads as follows:only = |
| of your conscious mind has to go to lunch sometimes, | | | | attempt to minimise, trivialise, or discount |
| or may otherwise be occupied. Review the following | | | | involvement.trying = lack of commitment, little |
| quote and you may begin to wonder if the CEO of this | | | | expectation of success, or lack of real intention to |
| speaker's conscious mind hadn't taken a week's | | | | assist in the resolution of the issue or problem.Review |
| holiday:"I put everything on the line for this chance to | | | | the following quotes and intuit their real meaning."We're |
| show what I was really made of: my reputation, my | | | | merely trying to create a level playing field.""What |
| job, my house, my financial future, the kid's welfare, the | | | | we're trying to do is balance the interests of the timber |
| man I've have been married to for fifteen years..."Here, | | | | industry with those of the environmental lobby.""I can |
| the speaker's unconscious leakage turns into a torrent. | | | | only put your proposal to cabinet and test its |
| Adopt the position of the man married to the speaker | | | | reaction.""We are trying to resolve a difficult |
| for the past fifteen years. How do you imagine you | | | | situation"You may have intuited deeper meanings |
| would respond to this wonderful tale of womanly | | | | similar to the following:"We are covering up our callous |
| courage? Would you be inspired to spend the next | | | | disregard for the human misery caused by our policies |
| fifteen years with her, or would fifteen minutes be | | | | by presenting a level playing field as self-evident |
| about as much as you could take?We may not | | | | imperative.""We know we don't have a hope in hell of |
| articulate our priorities exactly in the order embraced | | | | achieving an equitable balance of interests but we |
| at the deeper unconscious level, but in the above | | | | have to be seen to be making an attempt. ""I am not |
| example the extremes are so clearly delineated that | | | | committed to helping you but will go through the |
| it's patently obvious the speaker would rarely, if ever, | | | | motions. ""We have little confidence in our ability and |
| put her family first. Adding insult to injury, the speaker | | | | are softening you all up for an inevitable |
| unconsciously 'leaked' her emotional distance from her | | | | disappointment."Notice how frequently public figures |
| husband. "My" as you know implies closeness. The | | | | use words like "try" and "only" and begin to appreciate |
| combination of turning her children into "the kids", her | | | | at a deeper level how you get a sense or feeling of a |
| husband into "the man", and the passive language that | | | | lack of commitment to what they're saying. It's |
| follows is a certain indication of negligent parenting and | | | | amazing, isn't it, that seemingly intelligent beings can't |
| a dead marriage.Be careful in listing priorities. There are | | | | imagine that you sense when they're wriggling out of |
| times in public and vocational life where you will need | | | | making clear promises and assurances or setting you |
| to understand and embrace the priorities of your | | | | up for a lack of success down the track.Charismatic |
| stakeholders and colleagues.I 'LL TRY, NOT!There's an | | | | communicators understand that pretending to commit |
| old saying that goes, "If you only try, you'll only fail." | | | | to something helps whittle away the credulity quotient |
| Because the phrase "only try" is so embedded in our | | | | of their listeners. The key to maintaining your |
| linguistic culture, the author probably added the second | | | | audience's credulity quotient in contexts such as the |
| "only" to the statement in order to drive home the point | | | | above is to make clear statements about what you |
| being made. "Only" is a word that minimises or | | | | can and will do:In place of try, say what will specifically |
| discounts the meaning of the words or ideas that | | | | do.list the things you will do in sequenceconsider telling |
| follow it. In the case of "only fail" the language instructs | | | | people how you will do italert people to possible |
| the listener to view failure as trivial or | | | | difficultiesassess the likelihood of successrather than |
| inconsequential.The words "merely" and "just" also | | | | "make every effort", say what the effort will |
| devalue the words and ideas that follow them in many | | | | beCommitment is a key factor in the attribution of |
| contexts. "I was merely saying what I thought" reveals | | | | charismatic qualities. In becoming a person who does |
| an attempt to minimise either guilt or responsibility and | | | | much more than "try" you will begin to earn a |
| in some cases to transfer blame.The word "try" is | | | | reputation as someone who is trustworthy and whom |
| code for expectation of failure. This word enjoys such | | | | can be relied upon to give clear, unequivocal |
| ubiquitous usage that few listeners would ever | | | | assurances that people can act on.(c) Desmond |
| interpret it at the deeper unconscious level to mean | | | | Guilfoyle 2004 - 2006Desmond Guilfoyle in an award |
| anything other than a signal of impending | | | | winning commentator on influence, persuasion and |
| disappointment or lack of success. Put "try" and "just", | | | | charisma. He has written three books on those |
| "only", or "merely" together and you send a potent | | | | subjects and his book 'The Charisma Effect' has been |
| signal to listeners of dubious motives and doubtful | | | | published in seven languages around the globe. |
| resolve.Linguistically deconstructed, the statement "I | | | | |