| In marriages, many arguments and hurt feelings can be | | | | to think about other things unrelated to the |
| traced back to communication problems. It's not | | | | conversation;* Tuning your spouse out because you've |
| unusual for spouses to stay in a continual state of | | | | heard the same thing repeatedly and are convinced it's |
| frustration, feeling misunderstood and | | | | the same old speech;* Becoming defensive and angry |
| unappreciated.Unexpressed feelings can pile up and | | | | immediately instead of showing your partner the |
| poison the relationship. | | | | respect of hearing him/her out;* Belittling your spouse, |
| When you repress your anger, it will always come out | | | | name calling, cursing, shaking or pointing a finger, or |
| later, usually after something minor has upset you.You | | | | getting in his/ her face.* Interrupting your partner before |
| may find that it's difficult to have a complete | | | | he/she is finished talking.It has been said that for every |
| conversation without you or your spouse leaving the | | | | minute you are angry with someone, you lose sixty |
| room before the conflict is resolved. The emotional | | | | seconds of happiness that you can never get back. It |
| buttons that your spouse pushes in you can make you | | | | just makes good sense to do everything you can to |
| want to bolt and get away from your uncomfortable | | | | preserve the good will and intimacy of your marriage |
| feelings and reactions.Learning to communicate more | | | | when conflict, anger, hurt feelings, and disagreements |
| effectively with your spouse requires that you be fully | | | | occur.If you truly love your partner, you will not want to |
| present and attentive. You have to be committed to | | | | rip him/her to shreds verbally, or to ignore or discount |
| really listening and hearing, not only with your ears but | | | | differing opinions and beliefs. You will want to do |
| also with your heart. You want to eliminate any | | | | everything you can to insure that you have quality |
| communication blocks that prevent you and your | | | | communication in your relationship and that you are |
| partner from growing in understanding and | | | | communicating your caring, love, and respect to your |
| intimacy.Communication blocks are anything that you | | | | spouseEleanor Roosevelt once said, "The most |
| do, verbally or non-verbally, to keep you from | | | | important thing in any relationship is not what you get |
| connecting deeply with another person. Some | | | | but what you give." While you cannot control how |
| examples of communication blocks in marriage are:* | | | | someone else will react to your efforts, you can |
| Rolling your eyes and looking resigned or exasperated | | | | commit to doing all you can to create a safe |
| when your spouse is talking;* Sighing deeply and loudly | | | | environment where intimacy can |
| when your spouse is sharing his/her viewpoint;* | | | | ancy J. Wasson, Ph.D., is co-author of Keep Your |
| Looking at your watch or a clock repeatedly;* Not | | | | Marriage: What to Do When Your Spouse Says "I |
| stopping what you're doing when your spouse is trying | | | | don't love you anymore!" The e-book is available at , |
| to have a serious talk with you;* Not making eye | | | | where you can also sign up for the free Keep Your |
| contact and not giving your partner your undivided | | | | Marriage Internet Magazine. |
| attention;* Using the time when your spouse is talking | | | | |