| In marriages, many arguments and hurt | | | | your spouse is talking to think about other |
| feelings can be traced back to communication | | | | things unrelated to the conversation;* Tuning |
| problems. It's not unusual for spouses to | | | | your spouse out because you've heard the same |
| stay in a continual state of frustration, | | | | thing repeatedly and are convinced it's the |
| feeling misunderstood and | | | | same old speech;* Becoming defensive and |
| unappreciated.Unexpressed feelings can pile | | | | angry immediately instead of showing your |
| up and poison the relationship. | | | | partner the respect of hearing him/her out;* |
| | | | Belittling your spouse, name calling, |
| When you repress your anger, it will always | | | | cursing, shaking or pointing a finger, or |
| come out later, usually after something minor | | | | getting in his/ her face.* Interrupting your |
| has upset you.You may find that it's | | | | partner before he/she is finished talking.It |
| difficult to have a complete conversation | | | | has been said that for every minute you are |
| without you or your spouse leaving the room | | | | angry with someone, you lose sixty seconds of |
| before the conflict is resolved. The | | | | happiness that you can never get back. It |
| emotional buttons that your spouse pushes in | | | | just makes good sense to do everything you |
| you can make you want to bolt and get away | | | | can to preserve the good will and intimacy of |
| from your uncomfortable feelings and | | | | your marriage when conflict, anger, hurt |
| reactions.Learning to communicate more | | | | feelings, and disagreements occur.If you |
| effectively with your spouse requires that | | | | truly love your partner, you will not want to |
| you be fully present and attentive. You have | | | | rip him/her to shreds verbally, or to ignore |
| to be committed to really listening and | | | | or discount differing opinions and beliefs. |
| hearing, not only with your ears but also | | | | You will want to do everything you can to |
| with your heart. You want to eliminate any | | | | insure that you have quality communication in |
| communication blocks that prevent you and | | | | your relationship and that you are |
| your partner from growing in understanding | | | | communicating your caring, love, and respect |
| and intimacy.Communication blocks are | | | | to your spouseEleanor Roosevelt once said, |
| anything that you do, verbally or | | | | "The most important thing in any relationship |
| non-verbally, to keep you from connecting | | | | is not what you get but what you give." While |
| deeply with another person. Some examples of | | | | you cannot control how someone else will |
| communication blocks in marriage are:* | | | | react to your efforts, you can commit to |
| Rolling your eyes and looking resigned or | | | | doing all you can to create a safe |
| exasperated when your spouse is talking;* | | | | environment where intimacy can |
| Sighing deeply and loudly when your spouse is | | | | flourish.------------------------------------ |
| sharing his/her viewpoint;* Looking at your | | | | ----------------------------Nancy J. Wasson, |
| watch or a clock repeatedly;* Not stopping | | | | Ph.D., is co-author of Keep Your Marriage: |
| what you're doing when your spouse is trying | | | | What to Do When Your Spouse Says "I don't |
| to have a serious talk with you;* Not making | | | | love you anymore!" The e-book is available at |
| eye contact and not giving your partner your | | | | , where you can also sign up for the free |
| undivided attention;* Using the time when | | | | Keep Your Marriage Internet Magazine. |