| In marriages, many arguments and hurt | | | | things unrelated to the conversation;* |
| feelings can be traced back to | | | | Tuning your spouse out because you've |
| communication problems. It's not unusual | | | | heard the same thing repeatedly and are |
| for spouses to stay in a continual state | | | | convinced it's the same old speech;* |
| of frustration, feeling misunderstood | | | | Becoming defensive and angry immediately |
| and unappreciated.Unexpressed feelings | | | | instead of showing your partner the |
| can pile up and poison the relationship. | | | | respect of hearing him/her out;* |
| | | | Belittling your spouse, name calling, |
| When you repress your anger, it will | | | | cursing, shaking or pointing a finger, |
| always come out later, usually after | | | | or getting in his/ her face.* |
| something minor has upset you.You may | | | | Interrupting your partner before he/she |
| find that it's difficult to have a | | | | is finished talking.It has been said |
| complete conversation without you or | | | | that for every minute you are angry with |
| your spouse leaving the room before the | | | | someone, you lose sixty seconds of |
| conflict is resolved. The emotional | | | | happiness that you can never get back. |
| buttons that your spouse pushes in you | | | | It just makes good sense to do |
| can make you want to bolt and get away | | | | everything you can to preserve the good |
| from your uncomfortable feelings and | | | | will and intimacy of your marriage when |
| reactions.Learning to communicate more | | | | conflict, anger, hurt feelings, and |
| effectively with your spouse requires | | | | disagreements occur.If you truly love |
| that you be fully present and attentive. | | | | your partner, you will not want to rip |
| You have to be committed to really | | | | him/her to shreds verbally, or to ignore |
| listening and hearing, not only with | | | | or discount differing opinions and |
| your ears but also with your heart. You | | | | beliefs. You will want to do everything |
| want to eliminate any communication | | | | you can to insure that you have quality |
| blocks that prevent you and your partner | | | | communication in your relationship and |
| from growing in understanding and | | | | that you are communicating your caring, |
| intimacy.Communication blocks are | | | | love, and respect to your spouseEleanor |
| anything that you do, verbally or | | | | Roosevelt once said, "The most important |
| non-verbally, to keep you from | | | | thing in any relationship is not what |
| connecting deeply with another person. | | | | you get but what you give." While you |
| Some examples of communication blocks in | | | | cannot control how someone else will |
| marriage are:* Rolling your eyes and | | | | react to your efforts, you can commit to |
| looking resigned or exasperated when | | | | doing all you can to create a safe |
| your spouse is talking;* Sighing deeply | | | | environment where intimacy can |
| and loudly when your spouse is sharing | | | | flourish.------------------------------- |
| his/her viewpoint;* Looking at your | | | | ---------------------------------Nancy |
| watch or a clock repeatedly;* Not | | | | J. Wasson, Ph.D., is co-author of Keep |
| stopping what you're doing when your | | | | Your Marriage: What to Do When Your |
| spouse is trying to have a serious talk | | | | Spouse Says "I don't love you anymore!" |
| with you;* Not making eye contact and | | | | The e-book is available at , where you |
| not giving your partner your undivided | | | | can also sign up for the free Keep Your |
| attention;* Using the time when your | | | | Marriage Internet Magazine. |
| spouse is talking to think about other | | | | |