| Peter Murphy recently interviewed communication | | | | feelings and |
| expert John Barker. John is a professional coach and | | | | outcomes. By releasing on our attachment to the |
| author with a Bachelor of Arts degree in | | | | outcome and |
| Communication Arts and Sciences. He even served in | | | | welcoming the experience as it occurs, we free |
| the White House where he worked with the White | | | | ourselves to |
| House Communications Agency.They discussed | | | | experience the moment effortlessly. This experience |
| communication and uncovered some valuable insights | | | | allows us to |
| that people can immediately apply to make | | | | perform at our best.And, if a person does feel |
| measurable improvements | | | | anxiety, stress or self-consciousness |
| in their lives.PETER:1 Nowadays more and more | | | | in a situation like this, trying to make the feeling go |
| people are learning how to let go of | | | | away only |
| limiting feelings to improve the quality of their lives. | | | | makes it stronger. I often use the analogy of a big |
| When it | | | | brother |
| comes to communicating effectively with other people | | | | picking on a younger sibling. Why does he do this? To |
| what are the | | | | get a |
| main barriers to effective and purposeful | | | | reaction. The bigger and better the reaction, the more |
| communication, and how | | | | we |
| can we let go of these limitations?JOHN:The barriers | | | | encourage it. But if we welcome what is going on, he |
| vary from person to person, however, the most | | | | gives up. |
| common | | | | It is not as much fun as getting the reaction! And, he |
| one I encounter in working with people is the desire to | | | | goes away.The same is true of the feelings we want |
| change | | | | to go away. If we |
| others to fit our expectations. There are many paths | | | | welcome them and allow them to be, it is amazing |
| to the same | | | | how quickly that |
| destination; if we release our desires we open up an | | | | feeling will dissolve and be replaced with a feeling of |
| infinite | | | | peace and |
| number of possibilities. So long as we agree on the | | | | calm. And, sometimes we can even smile or laugh at |
| destination | | | | ourselves |
| we want - the feeling we want - "the how" doesn't | | | | about it because it is such a relief to just allow |
| matter.Any time we feel we want to change | | | | ourselves to |
| someone or something, this is | | | | be how we are.PETER:3 Dealing with difficult people |
| a time when we can recognize and release our | | | | can really stretch our patience |
| desire for control.The other part of this, is that very | | | | and verbal flexibility. What are your top tips for |
| often we are re-living past | | | | handling these |
| conversations. If we have had a conflict with | | | | situations?JOHN:Release! Release! Release!It is |
| someone in the | | | | important to remain aware of, and release, our desire |
| past; if we hold onto that feeling we bring it to the | | | | for |
| new | | | | security, approval and control as these feelings arise |
| conversation. We brace our self for dealing with the | | | | in our |
| inevitable | | | | consciousness. It can also be important to recognize |
| confrontation and we don't really hear what is being | | | | the other |
| said in the | | | | person's need for security, approval and control as |
| moment. This is why it is so important and valuable to | | | | well. |
| be able | | | | Understanding allows compassion.I know I've wasted |
| to release things as they come up.PETER:2 Very | | | | a lot of energy in my life trying to change |
| often in life we know what to say and yet get tongue | | | | other people! It's an impossible job, really. And, it is |
| tied | | | | amazing how often, when we stop resisting how |
| and fail to follow through when the pressure is on. | | | | people are, they |
| What is the | | | | just magically seem to make those changes we |
| answer to this common challenge?JOHN:We become | | | | wanted in the first |
| tongue-tied or freeze up due to our attachment to the | | | | place. |
| outcome. There IS no pressure, only attachment to | | | | |