| Peter Murphy recently interviewed | | | | our attachment to the |
| communication expert John Barker. John | | | | outcome. There IS no pressure, only |
| is a professional coach and author with | | | | attachment to feelings and |
| a Bachelor of Arts degree in | | | | outcomes. By releasing on our |
| Communication Arts and Sciences. He even | | | | attachment to the outcome and |
| served in the White House where he | | | | welcoming the experience as it occurs, |
| worked with the White House | | | | we free ourselves to |
| Communications Agency.They discussed | | | | experience the moment effortlessly. |
| communication and uncovered some | | | | This experience allows us to |
| valuable insights | | | | perform at our best.And, if a person |
| that people can immediately apply to | | | | does feel anxiety, stress or |
| make measurable improvements | | | | self-consciousness |
| in their lives.PETER:1 Nowadays more | | | | in a situation like this, trying to |
| and more people are learning how to let | | | | make the feeling go away only |
| go of | | | | makes it stronger. I often use the |
| limiting feelings to improve the | | | | analogy of a big brother |
| quality of their lives. When it | | | | picking on a younger sibling. Why does |
| comes to communicating effectively with | | | | he do this? To get a |
| other people what are the | | | | reaction. The bigger and better the |
| main barriers to effective and | | | | reaction, the more we |
| purposeful communication, and how | | | | encourage it. But if we welcome what is |
| can we let go of these | | | | going on, he gives up. |
| limitations?JOHN:The barriers vary from | | | | It is not as much fun as getting the |
| person to person, however, the most | | | | reaction! And, he goes away.The same is |
| common | | | | true of the feelings we want to go away. |
| one I encounter in working with people | | | | If we |
| is the desire to change | | | | welcome them and allow them to be, it |
| others to fit our expectations. There | | | | is amazing how quickly that |
| are many paths to the same | | | | feeling will dissolve and be replaced |
| destination; if we release our desires | | | | with a feeling of peace and |
| we open up an infinite | | | | calm. And, sometimes we can even smile |
| number of possibilities. So long as we | | | | or laugh at ourselves |
| agree on the destination | | | | about it because it is such a relief to |
| we want - the feeling we want - "the | | | | just allow ourselves to |
| how" doesn't matter.Any time we feel we | | | | be how we are.PETER:3 Dealing with |
| want to change someone or something, | | | | difficult people can really stretch our |
| this is | | | | patience |
| a time when we can recognize and | | | | and verbal flexibility. What are your |
| release our desire for control.The other | | | | top tips for handling these |
| part of this, is that very often we are | | | | situations?JOHN:Release! Release! |
| re-living past | | | | Release!It is important to remain aware |
| conversations. If we have had a | | | | of, and release, our desire for |
| conflict with someone in the | | | | security, approval and control as these |
| past; if we hold onto that feeling we | | | | feelings arise in our |
| bring it to the new | | | | consciousness. It can also be important |
| conversation. We brace our self for | | | | to recognize the other |
| dealing with the inevitable | | | | person's need for security, approval |
| confrontation and we don't really hear | | | | and control as well. |
| what is being said in the | | | | Understanding allows compassion.I know |
| moment. This is why it is so important | | | | I've wasted a lot of energy in my life |
| and valuable to be able | | | | trying to change |
| to release things as they come | | | | other people! It's an impossible job, |
| up.PETER:2 Very often in life we know | | | | really. And, it is |
| what to say and yet get tongue tied | | | | amazing how often, when we stop |
| and fail to follow through when the | | | | resisting how people are, they |
| pressure is on. What is the | | | | just magically seem to make those |
| answer to this common challenge?JOHN:We | | | | changes we wanted in the first |
| become tongue-tied or freeze up due to | | | | place. |