| OOPS, WRONG PRIORITIESThe executive in | | | | the statement "I was only trying to |
| charge of your conscious mind has to go | | | | help." reads as follows:only = attempt |
| to lunch sometimes, or may otherwise be | | | | to minimise, trivialise, or discount |
| occupied. Review the following quote and | | | | involvement.trying = lack of commitment, |
| you may begin to wonder if the CEO of | | | | little expectation of success, or lack |
| this speaker's conscious mind hadn't | | | | of real intention to assist in the |
| taken a week's holiday:"I put everything | | | | resolution of the issue or |
| on the line for this chance to show what | | | | problem.Review the following quotes and |
| I was really made of: my reputation, my | | | | intuit their real meaning."We're merely |
| job, my house, my financial future, the | | | | trying to create a level playing |
| kid's welfare, the man I've have been | | | | field.""What we're trying to do is |
| married to for fifteen years..."Here, | | | | balance the interests of the timber |
| the speaker's unconscious leakage turns | | | | industry with those of the environmental |
| into a torrent. Adopt the position of | | | | lobby.""I can only put your proposal to |
| the man married to the speaker for the | | | | cabinet and test its reaction.""We are |
| past fifteen years. How do you imagine | | | | trying to resolve a difficult |
| you would respond to this wonderful tale | | | | situation"You may have intuited deeper |
| of womanly courage? Would you be | | | | meanings similar to the following:"We |
| inspired to spend the next fifteen years | | | | are covering up our callous disregard |
| with her, or would fifteen minutes be | | | | for the human misery caused by our |
| about as much as you could take?We may | | | | policies by presenting a level playing |
| not articulate our priorities exactly in | | | | field as self-evident imperative.""We |
| the order embraced at the deeper | | | | know we don't have a hope in hell of |
| unconscious level, but in the above | | | | achieving an equitable balance of |
| example the extremes are so clearly | | | | interests but we have to be seen to be |
| delineated that it's patently obvious | | | | making an attempt. ""I am not committed |
| the speaker would rarely, if ever, put | | | | to helping you but will go through the |
| her family first. Adding insult to | | | | motions. ""We have little confidence in |
| injury, the speaker unconsciously | | | | our ability and are softening you all up |
| 'leaked' her emotional distance from her | | | | for an inevitable disappointment."Notice |
| husband. "My" as you know implies | | | | how frequently public figures use words |
| closeness. The combination of turning | | | | like "try" and "only" and begin to |
| her children into "the kids", her | | | | appreciate at a deeper level how you get |
| husband into "the man", and the passive | | | | a sense or feeling of a lack of |
| language that follows is a certain | | | | commitment to what they're saying. It's |
| indication of negligent parenting and a | | | | amazing, isn't it, that seemingly |
| dead marriage.Be careful in listing | | | | intelligent beings can't imagine that |
| priorities. There are times in public | | | | you sense when they're wriggling out of |
| and vocational life where you will need | | | | making clear promises and assurances or |
| to understand and embrace the priorities | | | | setting you up for a lack of success |
| of your stakeholders and colleagues.I | | | | down the track.Charismatic communicators |
| 'LL TRY, NOT!There's an old saying that | | | | understand that pretending to commit to |
| goes, "If you only try, you'll only | | | | something helps whittle away the |
| fail." Because the phrase "only try" is | | | | credulity quotient of their listeners. |
| so embedded in our linguistic culture, | | | | The key to maintaining your audience's |
| the author probably added the second | | | | credulity quotient in contexts such as |
| "only" to the statement in order to | | | | the above is to make clear statements |
| drive home the point being made. "Only" | | | | about what you can and will do:In place |
| is a word that minimises or discounts | | | | of try, say what will specifically |
| the meaning of the words or ideas that | | | | do.list the things you will do in |
| follow it. In the case of "only fail" | | | | sequenceconsider telling people how you |
| the language instructs the listener to | | | | will do italert people to possible |
| view failure as trivial or | | | | difficultiesassess the likelihood of |
| inconsequential.The words "merely" and | | | | successrather than "make every effort", |
| "just" also devalue the words and ideas | | | | say what the effort will beCommitment is |
| that follow them in many contexts. "I | | | | a key factor in the attribution of |
| was merely saying what I thought" | | | | charismatic qualities. In becoming a |
| reveals an attempt to minimise either | | | | person who does much more than "try" you |
| guilt or responsibility and in some | | | | will begin to earn a reputation as |
| cases to transfer blame.The word "try" | | | | someone who is trustworthy and whom can |
| is code for expectation of failure. This | | | | be relied upon to give clear, |
| word enjoys such ubiquitous usage that | | | | unequivocal assurances that people can |
| few listeners would ever interpret it at | | | | act on.(c) Desmond Guilfoyle 2004 - |
| the deeper unconscious level to mean | | | | 2006Desmond Guilfoyle in an award |
| anything other than a signal of | | | | winning commentator on influence, |
| impending disappointment or lack of | | | | persuasion and charisma. He has written |
| success. Put "try" and "just", "only", | | | | three books on those subjects and his |
| or "merely" together and you send a | | | | book 'The Charisma Effect' has been |
| potent signal to listeners of dubious | | | | published in seven languages around the |
| motives and doubtful | | | | globe. |
| resolve.Linguistically deconstructed, | | | | |